Nice to know you welcome a discussion.
I took a break from regular creative releases — I came back to photography after a two years break and started over two years back, and did the same with writing — started over about a week ago after almost seven years of complete shutdown.
Before I started translating thoughts into written words, I spent several sleepless nights blaming my ‘circumstances’ of how I never had a decent time or mental space to cultivate my creativity (not that I’m a prodigy, but I value the satisfaction my little jolts of creativity gives me). And then began the second phase of blaming myself — how I allowed my ‘talents’ to fade away by always making an excuse that something more important needs my attention and energy.
The third and final phase was the realization that if I was in control of losing control, then I must be in control of regaining control — and that’s what I did. Here I am, almost as good now as I was years back at photography, and nowhere near as good as I was writing when I was a teenager. But the truth is, I’m happy that I am deliberately making a point to keep alive something I cherish.
Now my self-discovery fuels my pictures and write-ups, while those creations in turn aid my self-discovery — and it’s a beautiful self-sustaining cycle that only needed me to decide that I, not my circumstances are the key determinant of who I am. Sometimes we need to look at ourselves from the third-person view and say, “Hmm .. what changes can I make to do better?” … and then create another third person to inspect the former third person and think, “Am I evaluating myself correctly? Am I to hard on myself, or do I cut myself too many slacks?”.
Just an example, but you see where I’m going? We need constant multi-layered, forward-thinking, self-augmenting inspections to make sure we don’t relinquish control on ourselves that carry us to our best self.
I hope this didn’t feel like a lot of me-talk or self-advertisement. It’s a pleasure to have had the opportunity to engage in a conversation with you.