It felt like someone is speaking from my heart, Tesia.

Your account of how your marriage happened, evolved and fell apart was eerily similar to mine. Married at 24, separated after the 4th anniversary, and being entirely oblivious about the 5th anniversary passing by — eerily familiar.

I blame myself for the patience I had during all those years — patience isn’t always a virtue. I dragged around a dead marriage for way too long.

There was love, but there was a lot more bickering and fighting. Love is a sneaky distraction though — a little of it takes one’s mind off the bad stuff really fast and makes one over-commit.

When we got married, it felt right. On paper, both going to pursue grad studies in the same university abroad, having the same goals in terms of education, career and family. Yes, a lot of people rolled their eyes but how they saw us falling apart and how we fell apart were completely different. Thankfully their “told you so” won’t count.

She changed her plans in less than a year of marriage, almost abruptly, and since we made a lot of plans together, one of us signing out put my own plans in jeopardy as well. No matter how much people say to each his own, that’s not at all how it works in a marriage. The other person will affect your life no matter how separate your lives are.

After years of misbehaviour, lies, manipulation, mental and physical abuse, I decided to drop the curtains on it when I found out about her infidelity. I had to reclaim my life. Being humbly proud (if you know what I mean) of the way I love, I couldn’t accept MY love life to end up like that.

People say I’m not a man because I never hit (or spit) back and I’ll never understand that viewpoint, but I commend myself for having a stronger masculinity than that standard for weathering the storm rather than starting one of my own.

This is been the most amazing year of my life. I plan to write a lot, starting soon, how these four years and the amazing fifth changed my life completely. As weird as it may sound, I’m glad she cheated.

In avoidance of the divorced label, I would have withered my life away.

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“Sugarcoats are not in fashion” • Economist, teacher, photographer • Stockholm, Sweden • All posts: tiny.cc/22b5tz

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